Welcome to fantasy Island

Butterflies; 1but-er-fly pronunciation\3-a feeling of hollowness or queasiness caused especially by emotional or nervous tension or anxious anticipation.

Fantasy Island is a beautiful place.  Its excitement and thrills. Its anticipation of new hope of the persons arrival at your door coming to whisk you away.  Its goose pimples and giddy.   Its fresh and beautiful.  Its everything you imagine and more. Butterflies in your stomach awaiting a phone call or text.  
 The greatness of new love, the first kiss, the wonder of another's touch.  The dreams of the future life.
 The excitement of new love keeps us searching and hoping even after countless heartache.  We need it, long for it and crave it.  To swim in ecstasy and drown in desire for another.
I know Fantasy Island well.  I used to live there.  I know many people who still live there despite knowing that none of it is real.
Its easy on Fantasy Island to forget about the stress of real life.  Your so busy preparing to meet your love, thinking about love, waiting for your love, loving on your love you have forgotten where you really are.
  On Fantasy Island there are no money problems because you don't share bills.
 On Fantasy Island there are no family issues because you don't have a family together.
 On Fantasy Island living in a fantasy world is easy because you are not yet dealing with real life issues or challenges.
You have no idea how this new wonderful person in your life is going to react or deal with serious life.  Your going to have to wait until the time is invested to find out, which for some of us is too late.
Its puts on damper on Fantasy Island when you bring up and want to talk about "real" life but it needs to be done.
You have to wake up and come out of the haze for a minute or 2 to discuss the issues that are important to you so that when your ready to leave the Island, your coming into the world with this person in a transition, moving on to the next step with choice rather than thrust into the knowledge that you are not on the same page about anything 4 or 5 months later. This is the sadness that overwhelms you when the Fantasy is over and you realize none of it was real.

Love does not exist.
It does not exist the way most people think.
The way love is portrayed in movies,  in novels and on television is not reality.
We want that though, we want to delude ourselves into believing fantasy love is real.  Fantasy love doesn't usually happen to real people.

 Love is not automatic.
Love is earned, love can grow over time, love can evolve, love can be expressed but it is a thought based on a decision.
Love can be an action.  The action we take on behalf of another that does not benefit ourselves directly or indirectly.
Love can be the acceptance of another, warts and all.
Love can be forgiveness.
Love can be the pain we experience when we think of those no longer in our presence either through distance or loss.
Love can be the care we provide to those we are required to care for and the care we provide to those just because.

Love is especially what you have when you have discussed the heart and soul of yourselves and a mutual understanding and trust leads you off the island and into the real bliss which is ever after with the right one for you.

I wish for everyone to find experience and keep love..  Happy Valentines Day.

We don't have sex anymore.

"Don't allow your animal nature to rule your reason."  Rumi

Trying to keep somebody that doesn't want to stay is not going to happen. 

 Trying to keep someone who is not worth keeping is also ridiculous.

 Many people have done many crazy things in the name of love.

 We are the information age with more and more people doing yoga, eating right, talking things out, educating themselves and so dysfunction of this magnitude is unbelievable.  

Relationships are not surviving. 

The reasons are obvious unless your in a failing relationship then the reasons are obvious to everyone but you. 

Sometimes its that: You don't see eye to eye

                               You can't communicate properly

                               Your afraid of change

                               You no longer feel attraction

                               Your partner does not show affection

                               Your really stressed

                               Your partner is really stressed 

etc, etc, etc.........

The reason your relationship does not work is going to point you in the direction of what you need to do to either fix what is wrong or walk away.

The old fashioned Pros's and Con's list comes into play.

Why do you stay?

The preservation of the family unit is usually the answer to this one.  "For the sake of the children" is often the excuse used to maintain contact with a person you can't even stand to eat with. 

 (If there are no children get out as soon as possible.  Why are you holding on to a miserable life?)

This is a horrible reason to stay with your partner. 

 If you are arguing constantly, talking at one another with anger and contempt, ignoring one another and treating one another generally awful your children notice this.  

You are teaching by example that misery is the life they can expect as adults.

You are showing them that a couple that does not need to resolve conflict or get along to live together in absolute sadness. You are telling them that adults are unhappy and if they become involved with people that make them feel bad about themselves or life in general its OK to stay with them and reproduce and be unhappy because that's all there is.

That pretty much filled up your Con's list also.  

If your just hitting a hard spot, which happens, but you are generally pretty good together, communicating well and HAVING SEX than get to the other side of your rough patch by getting to the root of whatever the problem is.  

A long term relationship has its own special way of being together.  If talking it out is your thing do it.  If you guys need time alone make it happen, do what it takes to get to the other side, DO THE WORK.  Great love is not something that crosses every one's path. If you have it keep it, nurture it and feed it whatever it needs as long as its within your parameters for happy.  

Not having sex or experiencing intimacy with your partner is one of the signs that things need to change.

Sex is the one thing you do with your partner that you do not share with anyone else.  

SEX gets its own chapter.