Are You Damaged?

ARE YOU DAMAGED?

Don t let anyone change you. The fact is that you will eventually start to resent it. When you are living a life that is not for yourself it suffocates you. It is difficult to maintain a relationship that is not compatible it is even more difficult if one of you is pretending to be someone you are not.

The truth is, a right relationship will not require that you become different. A relationship will have a better chance of success if your partner knows and accepts you just the way you are now and visa versa. If you feel that you need to improve yourself because you are not satisfied with your own feelings and behavior it has to be your choice to do so. Your chances for successful self improvement are more likely if you do so with your own free will. Don t let anyone fix you.

Keeping this in mind you cannot change anyone anyway. You cannot change them or fix them ever not with prayer, black magic, white magic, faith, hope or love. Trying to do so is futile.

 You cant change them if you give them more time, have more patience or point them literally in the right direction or rather the direction you want them to go. You may slow down their progression into the abyss but in the end they will go and do whatever it is they are doing that is breaking your heart and then they will walk over your suffering body in the process. 

You cannot stop someone from hurting you and you cannot make someone stay with you if they don't want to. Women have walked away from their homes, their children, money. Men have walked away from pregnant wives and newborns, jobs, relatives and money. Men and women will go when the desire moves them and there is nothing you can do about it. 

 Throughout history men and women have walked away from power, nations, kingdoms what makes you think your going to be the first ever to change a persons mind. Its not going to happen.

The destruction in the relationship can be anything from infidelity to dependency on drugs and or alcohol. Obsessive compulsion related to working too much to an adrenaline junky it doesn't matter what pulls them away, someone who is interested in maintaining a relationship with you will curb these desires and you should feel loved.

 They will take the time and effort necessary to meet your needs.

The important thing is to assess what your needs are. Can you be involved with a police officer who risks his life daily and has to deal with heavy emotional baggage? Can you be supportive and understanding of a physician who has long hours and demanding schedules? Can you put up with the irregular salary of a wanna be actor? 

  This is not the responsibility of your partner. You have to have realistic expectations with reasonable support and reactions depending on what the relationship expects from you. You cannot go into a relationship with the expectation that your partner is good but, your going to make them better, faster, smarter whatever that's impossible it will never happen and yo will never find happiness that way.

You also have every right to expect the exact same support from your partner with regard to you. This can all be determined before marriage and children. You need to make these assessments of yourself. Find out what you need in order to be happy and also what you can give of yourself to another. Make a list of what the deal breakers are and stick to it. If you know you need constant affection and within the first few weeks of dating the new person cannot even hold your hand walk away. It may sound minute but your happiness may depend on this one issue. Why would you settle for less than what you need.

For both of you to be happy it must be a mutual exchange of whatever it is you both desire. This is the secret to happy couples. If you are both getting what you need from the relationship you are happy to give the other person what they need. It is that simple.