Who are you? Really. part 3. Love.

“A man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.” Oscar Wilde

IN THE BEGINNING

Oh the fresh scent of flowers first given in love. 

 How bright is the sun, how sweet every bite,every morsel of food, how lovely the world with the dawn of new love.

The crap that one will spew when they are caught in the new relationship daze. Its almost intolerable if your an outsider, a witness to all the beauty and blindness.

The games people play are not limited to some of us. All of us have at one time or another participated in the house of mirrors illusion of prospecting for new love.

It is part of being human. The males puff out their chests, dress up or at least clean up. The women get hair and nails done, bring out the “good” underwear and shave their legs.

I call this “The interview phase.”

The first date is just like a job interview. Depending on how badly you need the job that is how hard your going to try to impress. If its been awhile since the heels hit the pavement your going to take extra time mussing and fussing. You don’t even know what a tie clip is but your going to wear it after you look up how and where to put it on on YouTube. You pull out her chair, she doesn’t curse or chew gum once during the entire meal. Your sitting up straight drinking only a sip of wine and please and thank you are your every other word.

 Its interesting when romancing the bone how polite a person can be. Your conversation is around the edges you don’t want to reveal too much for fear that your closet full of skeletons will come out ruining any chance you might have of getting the job.

Ask yourself this; am I betting all my happiness is tied in to this relationship working or failing?

The key to surviving the “interview” is to keep your eyes wide open. People always show you who they are. By putting your blinders on you risk a possible lifelong disaster. You should scrutinize your partner with same seriousness as buying a house, choosing a lifelong career, buying a really good steak.

 People put more time into choosing the car they are going to buy than to who they are going to date. This is not only ridiculous its irresponsible. The high rate of divorce is a testament to that. We choose our mate for various personal reasons, it seems the reasons are so wrapped up in past trauma, insecurities and flawed expectations the partnerships can't succeed. Your time is valuable. Make sure your partner deserves you.

Close your eyes and think about how long forever is. Imagine you future child with “he is so funny.” or “she is so cute.” Is he funny enough for eternity? Is she cute enough for forever?

If “John Doe” grabs the waitress's ass after she takes your order you can bet your sweet buns that this womanizing philanderer is not a keeper.

If “Jane Doe” asks you if you think the girl at the other table is prettier than her with a dead serious stare get away fast. This low self esteem drama seeker is showing herself.

I 'm not saying you can't enjoy the splendor of new romance. What I am saying is that sometimes you can stop the nightmare before it happens if you pay attention.

The salad days of a new relationship are like nothing else in life. A mutual attraction can give you wonderful breathless moments of joy. There is nothing like the first kiss, the first time you hold hands, the first time you realize that the feelings your having are being shared are so special, so sweet but the reality check is that this is just an interview. The truth is many people will say anything to get in to another persons pants.

Science dictates that the chemicals released during feelings of heightened sexual arousal literally make you feel high. This is natures way of making sure our species survives, period. When the body releases this very special endorphin, dopamine brew it is trying to get you to get it on. This can turn Mr. Right now into Mr. Right in an instant of blind lust.

The time period to stop releasing the love juice and finally start dating is about 2 to 3 months this is pretty consistent. This is the time when you stop getting butterflies in your stomach when they call, no longer get visibly excited when they come into view and do not notice if they don't call. 3 months and this internal somersault eases gradually down until one day it is no longer noticeable. This is love.

 When science stops enticing you to drool in his/her presence to make sure you reproduce and you still want to be with them that's love. Choosing to be together freely without the chemical overload that is love. A conscious decision. This is the truth your mother should have told you.

 It doesn't matter whether you believe true love to be possible it is being able to recognize the real thing from the feeling of " I just don't want to be alone right now."